Latest comments
Quarter Life Crisis
I enjoyed your script. Great writing. I have to say it took me a while though to get into the characters in the few first pages. I really wanted to know what their quarter life crisis was right away. I felt you were showing me that Rich had crazy roommates and this was his dilemma... I wanted to know what Rich's true dilemma was... what was at stake up front and what his goals are right away. Don't know if anybody else who read it felt the same way, but I would have loved to see a more original scene up front that really paints a picture of who he is, what he wants....I can't tell you how many pilots start with someone waking up in the morning and it doesn't strike me as original. Otherwise I kept reading but I wanted this to feel more was at stake and something was tangible... But on Page 10 this line is what should have been expressed much earlier and you had it on page 10 -- Rich: "Our second day here, and we might
get kicked out. I have maybe $60 in my savings. And I owe Citibank my first born son." Just my .02 cents. Congrats on being a Scriptapalooza finalist and good luck with your script! =)
At 7:03 on Friday, Jan 20, 2012
Equity
Despite the typos - it was a fun read. I really think you need to ensure your characters' traits are consistent throughout the whole script. I think you should reveal Louis is a dealer way earlier though - the payoff wasn't too bang zoom for me. Good luck!
At 4:00 on Sunday, Aug 7, 2011
"Hoody"
Ya.. I agree with what you're saying Josh. You need to write for you - but target versions that meet the "brand" networks encapsulate. Comedy Central vs. Adult Swim vs. F/X vs. MTV etc etc. I agree w/ Timmons on dropping the 2 and 1/2 beavers scene. Nice job overall and go with single cam formatting not multi-cam =)
At 12:37 on Wednesday, Apr 20, 2011
The Ripple Effect
Nice job. Felt like I was reading a pilot hot off the presses from a show that got picked up to series. Alex is great. I just felt like you could even raise the stakes even more. But other than that - bravo
At 12:34 on Wednesday, Apr 20, 2011
"Nexxus" - Pilot Episode
Thanks WNM! Appreciate the kind words. I really wanted to write a fun show for the likes of a USA or Fox so that means a lot!
At 10:28 on Saturday, Jan 21, 2012